There are a million bits and pieces of information that make up the experiences of a Man’s life. Most are often forgotten in the blink of an eye. Others are much more traumatic, joyful, significant and mournful to the memories held on to for a lifetime.
The balance of equity for most men of integrity regardless of race, religious belief system or background is to practice either by the minute, the hour, the day or even once a week is a time of reflection to be thankful.
It costs nothing and yet yields the biggest personal returns. This is a character trait most promising to know that a poor man is made rich by it, and a rich man is made poor without it.
It grounds you in ways to keep you safe from the arrogance of the batterer mindset. It doesn’t matter whether you’re a Pastor or a Police Officer, the arrogant mindset of the physical batterer and verbal abuser remain the same.
One of thinking he is untouchable by virtue of his vocation and somehow immune from any conviction of conscience because it is both neutralized and patronized by his service to the community.
That somehow his livelihood qualifies him to live a secretive lifestyle free of condemnation in beating his wife/intimate partner. Nothing could be further from the truth for we know the universal law speaks to the heart of the matter: “To whom much is given, much is required.”
So on this Thanksgiving Day, may we as men take the time to truly search our hearts for any level of abusive behavior we have towards our wife/intimate partner, and begin the changing process with the best weapon of all, gratitude…
As Men, we can find no greater responsibility in life than being a parent to our children. Much too often we tend to minimize our impact on their thinking and the subsequent attitudes they carry throughout their lives. We much too often underestimate how much we dynamically impart upon them by our daily speech, behavior, work ethic and religious beliefs to what type of Man or Woman they will eventually grow into.
Of course peer pressure and other societal factors will influence them, but for the most part while they are in the most impressionable stages of life, we as their Father’s play a most significant role in how they will interpret masculinity.
A power relay is a type of conduit that can handle the high power required to directly control an electric motor or other loads is called a contactor. Look at this comparison:
Our children are a type of conduit that handles the high intensity of abusive drama in the home and quite often directly cope with the trauma of these events through emotional scarring and suppression. In most cases, over a period of time this suppression will emerge to rear itself in multiple ways.
In girls, it could ironically manifest in seeking a mate with the same personality characteristics of the man who abused her Mom. In boys, it obviously manifest in being the same type of abusive man he witnessed in his Dad.
The bottom line. We must fully take the time to fully comprehend the masculine power we wield and our responsibility to use it wisely. When used foolishly and abusively, it is sufficient to negatively influence and continue another generation of pain and suffering through our children and our grandchildren.
Are you a Man or a Mannequin? Real men exemplify the substance of integrity abiding inside of them. Fake men are like the mannequins in a store.
Dressed fashionably well to attract others towards them, and yet cold to the touch and hollow on the inside from a lack of moral substance.
Real men clothed themselves with the vest of integrity each and everyday. Fake/abusive men don’t even realize how naked they are before the world regardless to how expensive their clothes are.
Real men court, date, become engaged to and marry integrity for a lifetime. Fake/abusive men have already divorced themselves from the possibility of even knowing who she is.
You can never step up as a Man, if you’re knocking down a Woman. You can never improve yourself as a Man, if you’re verbally abusing a Woman. You can never better yourself as a person and advance inspirational thoughts in others, by destroying the life of a Woman.
Integrity is a lifestyle, not a choice. It is not a demand, but a dialect of human language invisibly spoken in the form of a selfless love and respect for all life, especially the life of your wife/intimate partner. Most men have integrity genetically encoded in their DNA and will absolutely protect and defend all life. They never abuse women and behave as a moral leader in their home, at the workplace and most importantly when no one is watching.
The best gift any Man can give to a Woman in this day and age is honesty. This can only be done by first being honest with our very own self. To daily evaluate our emotions, thoughts and experiences about the Women in our lives and to do it honestly and objectively, without any unfairness or prejudice, so that our examination will lend itself to the truth of how blessed we are as Men, to have the gift of Women amongst us.
Domestic abuse perpetrated by a man on a woman is not an act of courage, but rather one of fear, cowardice and a inner insecurity of a male embryo; a child having never grown up and now existing in an adult male body.
In having no point of reference on proper interaction with a Woman, either by a multitude of circumstances or some other deep seated incident, the first step in the necessary change of an abuser from cowardice to courage, embryo to manhood, predator to protector and from being a divider to one who brings people together is first recognizing he has a problem, and with a subsequent inner and outer confession of pain, with God’s help, we will let the healing begin.
Warriors are made and not born. No challenge as Men is greater in battle than what we face everyday in conquering ourselves. The first tactical advantage a warrior determines in facing his enemy is knowledge of his greatest weakness. You cannot defeat a thing until you assess its weakest point.
Taking honest inventory of yourself should provide knowledge of your weakest points in areas of your life you honestly know need improvement, yet have procrastinated in taking the initiative to improve upon.
How we as Men have gone from being iconic soldiers bravely standing in place against any and all threats towards our beautiful Women, to now as abusers becoming the singular most imminent threat to their very life is mind boggling. The principle of self-control does not ask should we protect Women, it demands of us to do what is the most intelligent course of action in a given marriage, committed relationship or situation.
How you see yourself is critical to this process of employing self-control. Any self-perception that would seek to justify any physically violent and/or verbally abusive behavior towards your wife/intimate partner is a self-perception devoid of intelligence. Simply put, there is never a justification for abuse.
Personally it doesn’t matter to me what occupation one does everyday. It’s when the occupation be it a Priest committing sexual abuse against a child or a Police Officer repeatedly perpetrating domestic violence against a wife/intimate partner, makes their jobs stand out that much more because of the hypocrisy of it all.
When an abuser who happens to be a cop can indiscriminately beat his wife over and again without any fear of arrest or legal consequence, you now have the worst of animals known to control and abuse women. He carries a gun, is empowered by the state and is protected by a blue wall of fellow officers that would sooner have his back than betray him.
Call the police — He is the police. Go to a shelter — He knows where the shelters are located. Have him arrested — Responding officers may invoke the code of silence. Take him to court — It’s your word against that of an officer, and he knows the system. Drop the charges — You could lose any future credibility and protection. Seek a conviction — He will probably lose his job and retaliate against you.
Two studies have found that at least 40 percent of police officer families experience domestic violence, in contrast to 10 percent of families in the general population. This makes it so much harder, yet not impossible for a victim to get away from her abuser.
Divorce and the family law system: It’s important to choose an attorney who is not intimidated by your abuser being an officer. Custody and visitation issues are often used to intimidate and manipulate you even after the divorce.
Surviving police domestic violence: The one thing your batterer fears is your discovery that you can make it on your own. Every step you take to protect your life, safety and freedom takes away some of his power. Thousands of women have survived leaving abusive relationships with police officers. You are not alone.
You can survive against an abuser, even if he is the police…
24hr NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE 800.799.SAFE (7233)