truthful perceptions: times…

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Are you a Man or a Mannequin? Real men exemplify the substance of integrity abiding inside of them. Fake men are like the mannequins in a store.

Dressed fashionably well to attract others towards them, and yet cold to the touch and hollow on the inside from a lack of moral substance.

Real men clothed themselves with the vest of integrity each and everyday. Fake/abusive men don’t even realize how naked they are before the world regardless to how expensive their clothes are.  

Real men court, date, become engaged to and marry integrity for a lifetime. Fake/abusive men have already divorced themselves from the possibility of even knowing who she is.

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You can never step up as a Man, if you’re knocking down a Woman. You can never improve yourself as a Man, if you’re verbally abusing a Woman. You can never better yourself as a person and advance inspirational thoughts in others, by destroying the life of a Woman.

Integrity is a lifestyle, not a choice. It is not a demand, but a dialect of human language invisibly spoken in the form of a selfless love and respect for all life, especially the life of your wife/intimate partner. Most men have integrity genetically encoded in their DNA and will absolutely protect and defend all life. They never abuse women and behave as a moral leader in their home, at the workplace and most importantly when no one is watching.

Men of integrity behave this way at all times… 

truthful perceptions: begin…

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The best gift any Man can give to a Woman in this day and age is honesty. This can only be done by first being honest with our very own self. To daily evaluate our emotions, thoughts and experiences about the Women in our lives and to do it honestly and objectively, without any unfairness or prejudice, so that our examination will lend itself to the truth of how blessed we are as Men, to have the gift of Women amongst us.

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Domestic abuse perpetrated by a man on a woman is not an act of courage, but rather one of fear, cowardice and a inner insecurity of a male embryo; a child having never grown up and now existing in an adult male body.

In having no point of reference on proper interaction with a Woman, either by a multitude of circumstances or some other deep seated incident, the first step in the necessary change of an abuser from cowardice to courage, embryo to manhood, predator to protector and from being a divider to one who brings people together is first recognizing he has a problem, and with a subsequent inner and outer confession of pain, with God’s help, we will let the healing begin.  

truthful perceptions: protectors…

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Warriors are made and not born. No challenge as Men is greater in battle than what we face everyday in conquering ourselves. The first tactical advantage a warrior determines in facing his enemy is knowledge of his greatest weakness. You cannot defeat a thing until you assess its weakest point.  

Taking honest inventory of yourself should provide knowledge of your weakest points in areas of your life you honestly know need improvement, yet have procrastinated in taking the initiative to improve upon.

How we as Men have gone from being iconic soldiers bravely standing in place against any and all threats towards our beautiful Women, to now as abusers becoming the singular most imminent threat to their very life is mind boggling. The principle of self-control does not ask should we protect Women, it demands of us to do what is the most intelligent course of action in a given marriage, committed relationship or situation.

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How you see yourself is critical to this process of employing self-control. Any self-perception that would seek to justify any physically violent and/or verbally abusive behavior towards your wife/intimate partner is a self-perception devoid of intelligence. Simply put, there is never a justification for abuse.

As men we are protectors…

truthful perceptions: police…

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Personally it doesn’t matter to me what occupation one does everyday.  It’s when the occupation be it a Priest committing sexual abuse against a child or a Police Officer repeatedly perpetrating domestic violence against a wife/intimate partner, makes their jobs stand out that much more because of the hypocrisy of it all. 

When an abuser who happens to be a cop can indiscriminately beat his wife over and again without any fear of arrest or legal consequence, you now have the worst of animals known to control and abuse women. He carries a gun, is empowered by the state and is protected by a blue wall of fellow officers that would sooner have his back than betray him.

Call the police — He is the police.
Go to a shelter — He knows where the shelters are located.
Have him arrested — Responding officers may invoke the code of silence.
Take him to court — It’s your word against that of an officer, and he knows the system.
Drop the charges — You could lose any future credibility and protection.
Seek a conviction — He will probably lose his job and retaliate against you.

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Two studies have found that at least 40 percent of police officer families experience domestic violence, in contrast to 10 percent of families in the general population. This makes it so much harder, yet not impossible for a victim to get away from her abuser. 

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Divorce and the family law system: It’s important to choose an attorney who is not intimidated by your abuser being an officer. Custody and visitation issues are often used to intimidate and manipulate you even after the divorce.

Surviving police domestic violence: The one thing your batterer fears is your discovery that you can make it on your own. Every step you take to protect your life, safety and freedom takes away some of his power. Thousands of women have survived leaving abusive relationships with police officers. You are not alone.

You can survive against an abuser, even if he is the police

24hr NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE 800.799.SAFE (7233)

 

 

 

truthful perceptions: daughters…

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An news item that received little in the way of national attention took place this week. The sentencing of Rene Lopez to 1,503 years in prison for raping his daughter over a period of four years. Convicted of 185 counts of felony rape, he showed no remorse and actually blamed his daughter for the crimes. 

It’s one of the most horrific incidents of rape, sexual assault and domestic abuse ever recorded.  This is still domestic violence awareness month and the fact of coincidental timing of this incident only shows how serious a problem this plague of violence against women continues to be.

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Child sexual abuse is not rare. Research indicates that as many as 1 out of 4 girls and 1 out of 6 boys will experience some form of sexual abuse before the age of 18.1 However, because child sexual abuse is by its very nature secretive, many of these cases are never reported.

If you think a child is trying to tell you they are being sexually abused, be supportive, calm and caring. Do not show anger as this does not help the victim. If you feel they are in immediate danger contact 911 and or Child Protective Services.

Real men do not only protect all women, but they also stand up for those who are most defense-less  Our children. Our sons and our daughters…

NATIONAL CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE HELPLINE 1-866-FOR-LIGHT (866-367-5444)

MUSIC: – “The Tears Of God…” – by Russel Blake

 

truthful perceptions: girls…

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The number of American troops killed in Afghanistan and Iraq between 2001 and 2012 was 6,488. The number of American women who were murdered by current or ex male partners during that time was 11,766. That’s nearly double the amount of casualties lost during war.

That is an incredibly disturbing fact. More so for the deadly subtle truth that we as a nation can be so manipulated, controlled and distracted by so many forms of media that those types of facts can escape the profound truth it represents.  

3 women a day are murdered by a current or former male lover. 18,000 killed by men in DV disputes since 2003. 18.5 million mental health care visits due to intimate partner violence every year. 10 million children exposed to this type of violence in the homes every year. 

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Boys don’t hit girls. This proverb was taught, instructed and conditioned into me as a child by my parents and I grew up during a time when girls were told that if a man beats you, that means he really loves you. Sadly, that myth was more prevalently told to girls than the proverb that was taught to me. 

The vast majority of boys who witness the abuse of their Mom never received the counseling and therapy necessary to alleviate the damage done to their psyche and character makeup. Therefore, let us begin from the beginning to teach every boy that he is not to ever hit a girl, no matter what he sees at home. Let every Dad pledge teaching this truth to his son by keeping his home free of any domestic abuse.  

Well raised boys don’t hit girls and real men don’t hit women.

 

 

 

truthful perceptions: hear…

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We are not only what we see, but we are what we hear. Does music influence misogyny in men? Does it influence our ideals, perceptions and attitudes towards women? Speaking for myself I know that music played a tremendous role in my thoughts and feelings towards women.

My experiences as a younger man coincided with hearing some of the greatest love songs containing lyrics I sang over and over again. Whether it was The Stylistics “You Are Everything, And Everything Is You, Kenny Roger’s “Lady”, Heatwave’s “Always & Forever”, Marvin Gaye’s “Let’s Get It On”, Teddy Pendergrass “Turn Off The Lights”, Luther Vandross “A House Is Not A Home” or Earth, Wind & Fire’s “Would You Mind” or “After The Love Is Gone”.

These songs laid a foundation within me for romance and to lovingly pursue, protect and provide for the woman of my dreams. These songs also made the women in my community feel special and always like a Lady. Raunchy blues songs existed for the last 100 years, but their content was never at the forefront of the music industry to be promoted.

Today the music managers of the entertainment industry push and seemingly only promote music that is vile, denigrating and misogynistic towards women. Calling them B’s & Hoes is even more tragic when female artists take part in this demonic ritual.

Although you have christian based hip-hop, rap and salsa artists out here today with some incredible music and messages to give, they are virtually ignored and banned from mainstream radio. Why is it that Black and Brown artists are pushed as purveyors of denigrating and vile music that tears down the beauty of women, but clean country music artists are given unlimited promotion in spite of the many country music artists who have vile and misogynistic lyrics in their music. An obvious agenda is at hand. 

I feel the most frustrated for the parents of today who must be overly concerned about what their children are listening to. They certainly cannot police their given devices 24 hours a day, so open communication with their children is very key for the sake of guiding their children morals, principles and ethics. 

Let the music you invite into your soul be wholesome to the mind, healing to the soul, edifying to the spirit and passionate to your heart. 

Remember, we are not only what we see, but we are also what we hear…

https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/meditations-vol.-i/id1143301146

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https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/meditations-vol.-2/id957951467

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truthful perceptions: marginalised…

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Although they procreated the black male bodies that were economically and physically exploited by slavery, the continued marginalisation of Black women remains insidious by way of domestic violence today, as much it did through Slavery, Reconstruction and Jim Crow beginning in this nation over four hundred years ago.

To be marginalized means to determine either an individual or a group as insignificant and subsequently treat them a outsiders. Domestic violence related homicide is the leading cause of death for African-American women from 15 to 45.  Black women comprise 8 percent of the population, but accounted for 29 percent of all female victims of intimate partner violence. Among women killed by their partner, almost half were killed while in the process of leaving the relationship, highlighting the need to take extra precautions at that time.

As horrific as these statistics are, it may still be inaccurate as many homicides go under reported for a multitude of reasons.

fullsizeoutput_4091   For example, abuse is often not reported due to mistrust between the African-American community and law enforcement.  Abuse victims of Black male breadwinners of the household rarely if ever report the abuse and as such have to deal with a complex form of rigid black male masculinity. Black female prostitutes are too often written off and assumed killed by profession related incidents and never from domestic violence. 

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Interpersonal abuse dynamics with Black couples are not much different than others, just too often lacking the professional therapeutic resources that may be available in other communities, i,e., professional counselling, women shelters, support groups, etc;.

For men, there are many anger management techniques you can employ to heal your attitudes and methodically change yourself from being a potential abuser to a man who is well loved and respected.  Take the following simple steps as a preventive action in order to keep your anger in check:

  1. Defuse anger and possible conflict by taking a healthy walk before an argument begins with your wife/intimate partner. 
  2. Embrace healthy and positive confrontation, but always with a respectful tone of voice.
  3. Never repress or stuff your feelings.
  4. Work on your self-worth by way of a productive hobby, pursuing additional education courses or through physical fitness and exercising.
  5. Mentally practice seeing yourself always in peace and actively pursue it. Taking time to meditate and nurture spirituality offsets tendencies of violent behavior.

There are many more creative and productive ways for us as men to practice a non-violent lifestyle. These 5 options open the possibility for you to change by challenging daily negative habits with new principles of behavior.

Black women cannot afford to be marginalised and Black men cannot provide free tickets by way of abusing them to this unwanted event. When one tries the failed attempt to name one historical Black male or female leader/role model that was not birthed by a woman, the irrefutable logic to protect and defend Black women and not destroy them becomes crystal clear.  

As Black men, we must seek to creatively devise ways of protecting Black women by collectively think-tanking new strategies and tactics to counteract domestic abuse. We must galvanise and comprise a visible and formidable force to challenge those Black men who abuse Black women on a daily basis.

Lastly, we as Black men must realise no external efforts to breach and destroy our communities can succeed without an internal concession by us to allow it to happen.

Our beautiful Black women are not some invisible statistical thing to be abused, neglected and marginalised.  They are a creative and incomparable gift from God to be spiritually prayed for, physically protected, emotionally valued and highly prized for their invaluable worth to us as Black men, to our children and to the world. 

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Music: “Africa…” by Russel Blake

  

 

 

truthful perceptions: stigma…

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Every minute, 20 people are physically abused by a romantic partner in the U.S., according to The Center for Disease Control numbers. This means as many as 10 million women and men experience physical abuse in a given year.

1o million people in a given year in just the U.S alone is a huge number, then when you multiply that by nations around the world that number easily reaches over 100 million. It’s an easy enough number to point to but not an easy subject to discuss. 

It makes many people uncomfortable and the awkwardness of even beginning the conversation leaves many stumped in knowing what to say. Were vulnerable as humans when it comes to discussing the ugliness of human behavior, but abuse cannot be normalised through silence. It must be brought to light in order to reverse the stigma that protects it. 

It must be talked about if were truly going to address this cancer to the culture and forget about the shame to the brain people try to avoid.  We cannot remain immune to the abuse of victims even in silence. The damage to one affects us all as a people. Stigmas prosper when good people do nothing. Don’t let it happen on your watch.

Speak Up Against Domestic Violence…!!!

Music: “Love Is Always On My Mind” – by Russel Blake.

truthful perceptions: repress…

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I’ll challenge any emotion, fight every fear and kick the butt of anything threatening the success of me as a man. I can only speak to my testosterone-driven aggression as a man in making that statement. However, I can attest through experience of personally knowing many of my fellow men to wholeheartedly feel the same.

Modern psychology say’s the driving force behind men who abuse women are the repressed emotions these men carry. As a result of feeling threatened for any number of reasons from childhood to adulthood, these repressed emotions spark the dynamic of aggressive behavior as well as verbal and physical abuse towards their partners.

In the event event there is any validity to this theory, in now living in a world where communication causes more individual isolation than ever before, we need more opportunities  for men to communicate. Specifically in an environment where they won’t feel judged or ridiculed for expressing whatever repressed feelings of intimidation and/or vulnerability that may exist.

It is much better to let off steam than to allow the valve to burst. Abusing your wife/intimate partner is an outdated, immoral and violent way of externalising stress. It has deadly consequences and can irreparably and forever shift family dynamics.

Find a man you can trust and confide in and share rather than swear. Express rather than repress. In the long run, you’ll be much happier that you did.  

Music: “God’s Peace…” by Russel Blake