truthful perceptions: anything…

It was a very interesting dynamic for me to witness. Generally, as domestic violence goes, the vast number of cases I see are abuse upon women by men. I witnessed the reverse today in how the verbal abuse from a woman to a man was just as cruel, damaging and long lasting to the mind and soul of the victim.

In one of my professional roles, I am a Personal Fitness Trainer. One of my clients had to cancel a booked session last week at the last minute. As per my contract, a cancellation fee is applied if you cancel less than 24 hours of the time booked.

I went to pickup that fee today and as I drove up to the home, I could hear a raised voice coming from the window. The words were profane, weaponized and intent to inflict the greatest amount of harm without spilling one drop of blood.

My client in seeing me through the window walking to the door, said he would meet me outside. In other words, don’t come in here. His girlfriend took one look at me and was crude, rude and filled with a nasty demonic attitude.

My friend came out to meet me and quickly apologized. He informed me this is why he has just plunked down six figures to buy his own condo and to get as far away from her as possible. His eyes were sunken in and he looked demoralized.

I encouraged him to know his choice to leave was the wisest move he could make. Although he was obviously embarrassed to have me to witness his latest verbal bashing at the mouth of his girlfriend, I told him there is absolutely nothing for him to be ashamed of.

I made him understand I would have been ashamed of him if he, in turn, raised a hand to her to physically retaliate, but instead it took much more courage for him to have the wisdom to pack up his belongings and to walk away. Only a coward of a man in his ignorance would strike a woman in retaliation.

Masculinity is not defined by how much more physically stronger a man is to a woman. It is measured by the internal scale of a man to weigh his character, his strengths and his confidence in knowing his worth. That is what true masculinity is all about.

I pray for her deliverance in finding what demons haunt and possess her mind and soul and casting them out in the name of Christ Jesus. I pray his opportunity to nurture forgiveness and pray for her. At one point there must have been love between them, which means there is always hope for reconciliation. Whether a man to a woman or a woman to a man, abuse is abuse and it is ugly, but two heads on one pillow can overcome anything. 

Music: “Forgiveness…” by Russel Blake

Russel Blake Music on iTunes

 

 

 

Advertisements

truthful perceptions: hidden…

img_0011-copy3

There comes a time when shock is a word that’s just not appropriate enough to describe the feeling when a horrible revelation is made known to you. Something that’s been taking place right under your nose and all of a sudden it’s brought to your attention not by an email or a text message or even from a friend. It comes knocking at your door in the form of a uniformed police officer informing you that your daughter is dead.

From that point on everything that’s said comes across like the teacher speaking in the Charlie Brown cartoon, blah, blah….blah, blah, blah… The officer informs you she was apparently killed in a domestic violence incident involving her boyfriend. The forthcoming details begin to pale in comparison to the screams of agony now coming from her Mother and you as her Father can only stand there frozen in a mixture of emotions from sadness to grieving, anger to disappointment. If I only knew she was being abused is the thought rolling over and over in your mind…

Too many families find out all too late of a family member who was being abused by a husband, a boyfriend or even a work colleague. 

Domestic violence often plays out in the workplace. For instance, a husband, wife, girlfriend, or boyfriend might make threatening phone calls to their intimate partner or ex-partner. Or the worker may show injuries from physical abuse at home.

If you witness a cluster of the following warning signs in the workplace, you can reasonably suspect domestic abuse:

Bruises and other signs of impact on the skin, with the excuse of “accidents”
Depression, crying
Frequent and sudden absences
Frequent lateness
Frequent, harassing phone calls to the person while they are at work
Fear of the partner, references to the partner’s anger
Decreased productivity and attentiveness
Isolation from friends and family
Insufficient resources to live (money, credit cards, car)

Know the warning signs and learn to recognise all red flags of abusive behavior upon a potential victim. Never be to apprehensive to question nor too proud to believe it can’t happen to your loved one.

The worst feeling in the world is attending a funeral with an open casket of a loved one, when a timely intervention could have saved their life and brought to light that which was hidden.  

10405312_994800393886378_6740301829555253039_n

Music: “Believe In God…” MEDITATIONS CD

 

 

 

 

truthful perceptions: daggers…

img_0011-copy3

Words can cut like a knife. My Dad always told me that a woman knows she’s not as physically strong as a man, so she uses her words to make all things equal. Interesting theory but when it comes to domestic violence both men and women equally use the tongue like a steel furnished machete. 

When wielded with anger and physical intimidation words have the power to cause emotional internal bleeding and severe psychological damage. No man worth his salt as a man of integrity does this. Only woman beaters do this when he’s yelling or using hate-filled whispers to threaten and terrify his wife/intimate partner.

Possibly the worst form of verbal abuse is the silent one. The use of the silent stare which is a code that his victim interprets with a knowing fear of what is to come.

Real men use words to build up and not tear down a woman’s self-esteem. Being accountable for your words is a measure of true integrity and a yardstick of good communication skills.  As the good book say’s, “sweet water and bitter water cannot come from the same fountain…” So choose your words wisely and season them with decency. 

No matter the time or the circumstances, when you use your words towards your wife/intimate partner for positive direction, devoted encouragement and heart-opening dedication, you’re empowering a woman who will now love you to the ends of the earth. 

I believe words were created to be used wisely to build up a person’s life with both healing and dignity; not as daggers to stab and destroy their spirit. 

Music: “God’s Peace…” by Russel Blake  

homepageimage