truthful perceptions: remembrance…

“The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning; but the heart of fools is in the house of laughter – Ecclesiastes 7:4…”

The holiday’s upon us brings a great deal of thought on self and family. For me, that dynamic raises my conscious thoughts on those families privately suffering from the absent physical presence of a daughter, mother, sister, cousin or aunty who was killed as a victim of domestic violence.

As I both feel and pray for them, I also do not forget the male who viciously took a precious life off of this earth. These are males who possess low emotional skills, that makes any attempt of a meaningful relationship with a woman highly problematic and with deadly consequences.

These are males who may possess a high IQ, but never took the time to raise a low EQ. Too often, the reason for this lies in the difference between how boys and girls are being raised, especially when in the same household.

Emotions are a very complex entity and when as a child and teenager (especially for boys) it’s left without guidance, mentorship and quality Q & A evolves from naturally complex to become extremely complicated. Negative emotions will then feed on different sources in society for direction and shape a mind already dealing with raging hormones and testosterone buildup.

In the absence of a positive male role model, the definition of masculinity becomes skewered and fractured in the eyes of that child. To paraphrase Frederick Douglas, “It is easier to raise healthy boys than to spend years repairing broken men…”

I close this writing with the sincerest condolences for the victim families of domestic violence, and the deepest respect for those victims whose lives were prematurely taken, some of them while they were pregnant with the killer’s baby.

We must revolutionize and re-galvanize our fight against this plague by addressing the invisible source of this violence. The insecurities and inability to manage anger is a result of low emotional intelligence coupled with a demonic influence.

Real masculinity is never defined or associated with being physically or sexually violent against a woman. However, it is a requirement of all Real Men who stand up against the males who commit these despicable acts.

Please click the link below and pray for the families of these victims this holiday season. Thank you.

https://www.essence.com/hot-topic-news/black-women-killed-for-saying-no#1007549

Music: “God’s Peace…” by Russel Blake

 

 

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truthful perceptions: africa…

“African nations are failing the female population…” 

Only 21 out of 53 nations on the continent have laws against wife beating. In rural communities in Malawi, an older man of the community is appointed to be the “Village Hyena….” A term is given to a man whose responsibility is to open the door of sexuality to young girls and teenagers.

In KwaZulu Natal, South Africa young girls must undergo and pass virginal tests in order to qualify for a scholarship. In South Sudan, young girls are given to soldiers as sexual favors, which ultimately means forced rape.

These are just a few examples of an incredibly complex problem that spans ideologies, traditions, beliefs in witchcraft, corruption and decades of practices that prevent a narrow one size fits all solution. For example, there is a deep cultural belief in Nigeria that it is socially acceptable to hit and beat a woman to discipline a spouse.

Also, Nigerian women often face physical violence at the hands of their family members. The most common forms of physical violence include rape, murder, slapping, and kicking.

To challenge such deeply ingrained cultural beliefs has to begin with education in order to combat the ignorance that could frame such a practice in the first place.

When 90 percent of women polled in Guinea believe a man is justified in beating his wife (if she’s done something wrong), it illuminates the need for education on this matter. Education breeds negotiation and negotiation inspires assertiveness to combat violent behavior.

The news for the foreseeable future on the continent is not all bad. From South Africa to the Congo to Uganda, voices are now being raised to fight sexual and domestic violence against women.

Education and the literacy it induces hold the key for men and especially women to broaden their perspective to the reality of this form of violence, to embolden their opposition to it and become the lynchpin to reverse the past and change the future for the better for generations to come.

 

http://www.saartjiebaartmancentre.org.za

https://yali.state.gov/eight-ways-to-stop-violence-against-women/

https://www.wagggs.org/en/

Music ~ “AFRICA” by Russel Blake

 

 

 

 

 

truthful perceptions: virus…

A dislocated nose, busted ear drum, bruises, black eyes seem par for the course in beatings that lasted over four years for one noted survivor in Mobile County, Alabama. Her drug addicted husband had decided he was going to beat, abuse and bruise her when he was both high and not high and seemingly blaming her for both.

Had he not overdosed, her fate more likely than not would have fed the statistics of either homicide or homelessness caused by abuse. Battered women shelters now serve more children than they do women. It is estimated in some small cities in America, battered women’s shelters are more populated with children than the Children’s Hospitals in those cities.

There are so many causes of peril, sadness, disease and charity to support in this world. There truly is no excuse for us not to, other than for lack of trying. I AM aligned with three major causes. Stopping Gun Violence, The Alzheimer’s Association and Domestic Violence Awareness.

88 guns for every one hundred Americans and the insanity of needless deaths caused by them is my reason for stopping gun violence. Alzheimer’s disease ran rampant in my family taking the lives of six paternal Aunts and my maternal Grandfather. That is my reason in joining that cause.

Although there is never been an issue of domestic violence in my family, I AM motivated for just that reason. To know from experience that women are to be protected by men from the men who are true cowards for abusing them. As the bearers of our future it is critical to bring awareness and formulate solutions to the plague of domestic violence. In my mind there is no greater threat to civilized society than to ignore the virus of genocide domestic abuse produces.

Find A Domestic Violence Shelter By Zip Code:

https://www.domesticshelters.org

 

 

 

 

 

 

truthful perception: grandchildren…

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As Men, we can find no greater responsibility in life than being a parent to our children. Much too often we tend to minimize our impact on their thinking and the subsequent attitudes they carry throughout their lives. We much too often underestimate how much we dynamically impart upon them by our daily speech, behavior, work ethic and religious beliefs to what type of Man or Woman they will eventually grow into.

Of course peer pressure and other societal factors will influence them, but for the most part while they are in the most impressionable stages of life, we as their Father’s play a most significant role in how they will interpret masculinity.

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A power relay is a type of conduit that can handle the high power required to directly control an electric motor or other loads is called a contactor. Look at this comparison:

Our children are a type of conduit that handles the high intensity of abusive drama in the home and quite often directly cope with the trauma of these events through emotional scarring and suppression. In most cases, over a period of time this suppression will emerge to rear itself in multiple ways.

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In girls, it could ironically manifest in seeking a mate with the same personality characteristics of the man who abused her Mom. In boys, it obviously manifest in being the same type of abusive man he witnessed in his Dad.

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The bottom line. We must fully take the time to fully comprehend the masculine power we wield and our responsibility to use it wisely. When used foolishly and abusively, it is sufficient to negatively influence and continue another generation of pain and suffering through our children and our grandchildren.

MUSIC: AHIMSA by Russel Blake

 

 

truthful perceptions: times…

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Are you a Man or a Mannequin? Real men exemplify the substance of integrity abiding inside of them. Fake men are like the mannequins in a store.

Dressed fashionably well to attract others towards them, and yet cold to the touch and hollow on the inside from a lack of moral substance.

Real men clothed themselves with the vest of integrity each and everyday. Fake/abusive men don’t even realize how naked they are before the world regardless to how expensive their clothes are.  

Real men court, date, become engaged to and marry integrity for a lifetime. Fake/abusive men have already divorced themselves from the possibility of even knowing who she is.

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You can never step up as a Man, if you’re knocking down a Woman. You can never improve yourself as a Man, if you’re verbally abusing a Woman. You can never better yourself as a person and advance inspirational thoughts in others, by destroying the life of a Woman.

Integrity is a lifestyle, not a choice. It is not a demand, but a dialect of human language invisibly spoken in the form of a selfless love and respect for all life, especially the life of your wife/intimate partner. Most men have integrity genetically encoded in their DNA and will absolutely protect and defend all life. They never abuse women and behave as a moral leader in their home, at the workplace and most importantly when no one is watching.

Men of integrity behave this way at all times… 

truthful perceptions: daggers…

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Words can cut like a knife. My Dad always told me that a woman knows she’s not as physically strong as a man, so she uses her words to make all things equal. Interesting theory but when it comes to domestic violence both men and women equally use the tongue like a steel furnished machete. 

When wielded with anger and physical intimidation words have the power to cause emotional internal bleeding and severe psychological damage. No man worth his salt as a man of integrity does this. Only woman beaters do this when he’s yelling or using hate-filled whispers to threaten and terrify his wife/intimate partner.

Possibly the worst form of verbal abuse is the silent one. The use of the silent stare which is a code that his victim interprets with a knowing fear of what is to come.

Real men use words to build up and not tear down a woman’s self-esteem. Being accountable for your words is a measure of true integrity and a yardstick of good communication skills.  As the good book say’s, “sweet water and bitter water cannot come from the same fountain…” So choose your words wisely and season them with decency. 

No matter the time or the circumstances, when you use your words towards your wife/intimate partner for positive direction, devoted encouragement and heart-opening dedication, you’re empowering a woman who will now love you to the ends of the earth. 

I believe words were created to be used wisely to build up a person’s life with both healing and dignity; not as daggers to stab and destroy their spirit. 

Music: “God’s Peace…” by Russel Blake  

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truthful perceptions: lightning…


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There is no question about it. A picture is worth a thousand words, but a video raises awareness of a million voices. What is now the infamous Ray and Janay Elevator video has done more for victims of domestic violence than tens of thousand of articles and testimonies.

 As a domestic violence awareness advocate I am both ambiguous but vigilant, encouraged and yet concerned for the renewed flame of awareness dying out and then were back to business as usual.

 On the one hand the national resurgence of outrage, commentary and awareness has galvanized new blood and troops in this war against abusers. On the other hand it has taken the veil off to reveal the scourge of domestic abusers existing within the very heroes of athletes millions of us have cheered every week in the NFL, and exposed this as only symptomatic of a much larger problem in our society.

 In my upcoming book “Real Men Don’t Hit Women: 12 Principles of Effective Change Against Intimate Partner Violence…” I advocate that good men provide the best solution against the worst of men who practice intimate partner violence.

 Ironically or perhaps by a twist of fate the most macho of all sports has now served as the lightning rod to wake up real men everywhere to stand united and speak up against domestic abusers.

To expose these abusers for the cowards they are and perhaps for the first time in their lives it has also provided and opportunity of real empowerment for their victims to get out of a violent and abusive marriage/relationship.   It provides society the opportunity for another look at itself to address with more seriousness this plague of domestic violence.  

For example, why are their more animal shelters in this country than shelters for battered and abused women and their children?  Why isn’t this a priority for FEMA since domestic violence is now classified as a national crisis? 

 I am hopeful for real and lasting change by recent events and praying that lighting doesn’t have to strike twice in order to wake us up again.

 

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truthful perceptions: discernment

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As a man, you are not here to set the world right, but to see it rightly. When to judge a situation rightly is to know what triggers your anger, your fear and your jealous emotions and then immediately stop, intervene with replacing negative images and stop the pattern of habitual behavior you would normally do.

You have the ability and the obligation to judge a situation rightly. This principle is most important and exists especially in situations where you may have been legitimately wronged and have all the evidence you need to prove it.

Give no opportunity for yourself to be influenced, coerced, pushed, persuaded, triggered, pressured, brainwashed and angered to become physically and/or verbally violent with your wife/intimate partner.

Use whatever negative situations that may arise as an opening to practice right judgment over your own actions. Always remember that you have control over no one but yourself.

#ManUpToNoDomesticViolence

Russelblake7 on Twitter

http://www.russelblake.net

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truthful perceptions: worth…

Abusing a Woman doesn’t make you a Man, anymore than siring a baby makes you a Daddy. The realities of your intent, based on the content of your actions are what qualifies a Male to be a Dad, and a Man in loving a Woman.

Any fool can ejaculate sperm into a Woman, but its the Male who takes the lifetime dignity of responsibility for the life-giving result of those actions, that both separates and equates, designates and defines him as a Real Man.

Any fool can place a diamond ring on a Woman’s finger, or buy her a house and a Yacht, pay her rent or provide her with a substantial monthly wardrobe allowance.  

However, In the fight against domestic violence, the single most important agent of change in acquiring social justice is the empowered survivor.  They will tell you that a ring on there finger never stopped a beating, a Yacht never prevented a punch and fancy wardrobe doesn’t heal the bruises from bodily blows any faster than regular clothes. 

The Great Slave emancipator Harriet Tubman said that “Although I freed over ten thousand slaves, I could have freed thousand’s more if only they knew they were slaves…”  The greatest weapon in the possession of the oppressor, is the mind of the oppressed. 

The greatest weapon in the possession of the domestic abuser is the heart, mind and soul of his victim. It is the basis of his ability to control his victim. The strangest dynamic to witness is how oftentimes the abusers insidious ability to flip the script to have the victim believing that “she” was responsible for him beating her up.  

This tactic of reverse psychology is akin to the fox blaming the chicken for being a meal for the fox. The treacherous nature of this tactic is simply to burden the victim with a ever growing overweighted sense of false guilt, and thereby meant to lessen her self-esteem in order to worship and raise his arrogance of delusional grandeur of being a real man, when the true fact of the matter is that he is a real punk. 

Let the young Women know from now, that no male, money or bling is ever equal to the value of there precious self-esteem. Let all Women practice a non-compromising attitude for any red flags symptomatic of anger issues within a potential mate. Don’t make the same mistake as many before you have made in attempting to be the “Rescuer of an Angry Man…” 

Every Woman deserves to be loved, cherished and to have a faithful relationship conducive to a lasting and violence free marriage.  

The only thing that must always supersede that blessing is the inner oath of a deeply personal self love.  One that is not narcissistic, but has a mental, spiritual and emotional allegiance to the highest quality of life conducive to her peace of mind, joy of happiness and immeasurable self worth.   

@Russelblake7 Twitter

 

truthful perceptions: faith…

“The Religious Abusers…”  It’s not the name of an Alternative Rock Music group. It’s not a 12 Step Program for Controlled Substance Drug Addicts Who Practice A Spiritual Belief  System.   

This is a holy roller religious group of bombastic church pulpit bullies who wear humble holy hats to the congregation, but in reality are nothing more than theological thugs behind closed doors. When and if they’re not beating down and abusing their own Wives, they’re incompetently signing off on the abusive marriages many of the women in their congregations are caught up in.  

“Submission Strategics” is the mantra most Pastors apply in marriage counseling. The vast majority of Church’s across the United States are simply not prepared for the dynamic of domestic violence now being brought in record numbers into marriage counseling sessions. Many christian counselors/ministers are not trained to deal with the social dynamic of domestic violence and usually revert to scriptures on wifely submission. You know, the old societal standby of when in doubt, “blame the victim…”

Why is it that the predominant school of thought is to always suggest that somehow its the victims fault for her abusers violence.  That somehow the victim is not being the fullness of a biblical Wife, through not being submissive enough to her husband.

That somehow she has neglected the duties of being a biblical wife and therefore has irresponsibly brought this violence upon herself. Clean the kitchen more often; yield to him when he demands to be physically pleased (a sign-off on marital rape); consider quitting your job and staying at home, etc;.. are some of the absurd suggestions and advice given to victims of domestic violence who seek help from the Church.

Sadly, this dynamic crosses all denominations of the Christian faith. The predominance of male headship in the Body of Christ regrettably can often lend itself to an insensitivity to its female congregants.  Pastors who struggle  with the issue of abuse must first stop trying to sugar-coat the issue by scripturally blaming the victim while religiously exonerating the abuser.  

Holding the abuser first and foremost accountable for his actions of violence is morally demanding upon any church leader. Let that Pastor use the moral power of the church to shame the abuser, convict him by his conscience to change his ways. Let that Pastor prioritize protecting the victim and the children.  That is what JESUS would do.

This proactive stance will burn itself into the conscience of the abuser and remove whatever religious veil of God he was hiding behind to justify his deplorable and despicable acts of abuse.  This is vitally most important if the abuser is an Associate Pastor, Deacon or holds some other prominent position within the church.

Until that abuser fully repents and commits himself to a six to twelve month fully licensed anger management course for treatment, coupled with extensive bi-daily Pastoral counseling, then any further attempts of marriage counseling will be in vain.  Let the Church serve as a true place of refuge and biblical teaching: “Husbands are to love their Wives as Christ loves the Church, and gave himself up for her, to make her holy – Ephesians 5:25-26…”

Let the church be a place not of complicity and an accessory after the fact for victims of abuse to fear, but rather a true place of healing, protection, courage and love for a Wife, as a sanctuary of hope, leadership and true faith. IJPN – In JESUS Precious Name.

@Russelblake7 Twitter